No, it’s not “Damn! I am pregnant!” neither is it “I don’t love you”… but these four words when uttered to a man at an inappropriate time or place could either drive him crazy or make him run in the opposite direction.
Admittedly, men (especially you avid golfers!) find themselves with the gift of the gab when discussing matters relating to the perfect golf swing, the shift in Tiger Woods’ strategy or the new Taylor Made clubs they’d be using in their upcoming tournaments. Shift the focus to relationships and men suddenly find all of their speech function grinds to a halt.
What’s worse, when a woman lets him know that “We need to talk”.
These four words strike more fear in men than a clap of thunder or a bolt of lightning in the middle of a perfect golf game.
If a woman makes it clear too soon that she wants to take things to the next level, you can expect most men to make a beeline for the panic button. Signs of distress include being withdrawn, the need to just “disappear”, flooring the gas pedal especially when she’s in the car, constant mutterings and swearing under his breath. If this doesn’t sound familiar, then perhaps you belong to the select few ?
Men more than women, put a premium on their “space”. Any movement that indicates an encroachment of their space will result in men reclaiming their territory especially if it’s done without his prior knowledge and consent. For most men, at least three months of exclusively dating each other would be a safe barometer to test if both of you are committed to take the next steps.
Now, just like golf, where any novice might just have to run the risk of looking like a fool, hitting the air for a few times before actually hitting the ball, the following strategies for getting him to bring up the subject, all necessitate risk: Having The Talk, no matter who initiates it, might either scare him off or cause him to give you an answer you don’t want to hear. But come on. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life pining for a man who thinks you’re great to share a bed (and perhaps a burger) with but little else, right? The risk is generally worth taking. So, what’s a woman to do to move him from casual to committed?
Tip 1. Get busy (and be less available!)
Do that, and he thinks he might lose you. The point here isn’t so much that you risk your love priority but that you actually create more of a life outside his orbit. When a person is busy and not so available on demand, then that person creates an element of mystery about them. This is a very desirable effect. Think of it like this – if you sent a text message to a man and he replied back in 3 seconds then you would think he has nothing else going on in his life. But if he replied back in an hour, you would be left wondering the whole time what is going on. Intrigue and suspense! See the difference? Do the same thing. He will only respect you and your time together more.
Tip 2. Take a vacation
Jetting off with nothing but a bikini and a postcard gives him a little taste of life without you. Plus, if he’s into you, this might send precious memories with you lingering around his mind.
Tip 3. Act as if
In other words, take liberties. Assume the role of the one and only girlfriend, fiancee, or whatever relationship status you aspire to. So, pick up groceries for him; ask him to do the same. Call him at work and say, “Sorry to bother you, but on the way home, could you buy the newspaper and some daylight saving light bulbs?” If you’re lucky, he might settle into his new cosy life without even noticing it. Or he might feel things are going too fast. Just remember, no ventures risked, no ventures gained!
Tip 4. Subtly pull back
One very common mistake that women make is they give themselves completely to a man they’re dating. Before he’s promised anything more than a casual dating scenario, she’s told him that she loves him and doesn’t want to date anyone else. If a man knows he already has your heart and if he senses that you’d wait until the end of time to marry him, he’s going to take his time getting serious about you. He sees no reason to rush into anything since you’ve already told him it all belongs to him already. That’s why just pulling back a bit can be such a hat trick. Men like to have that privilege of “pursuing” his mate, so never pull that rug under his feet.
Tip 5. Healthy jealousy
This is not a recommendation to go out and create situations with other men to make him jealous. But in a subtle way you should let him know about the situations that already occur. Normally you keep these situations to yourself out of respect for him but no more. It is time to whip out a small part of your life to help him clearly see you as an object of desire. When a male colleague asks you to lunch, let him know about it in a humorous way. When a man in the shopping mall stares at you for 10 minutes, let him know. If he hears these things a couple times a week I guarantee something will stir within him. As always, don’t overdo it in any of the above areas. Be gentle and take calculated risks.