Finding a soul mate, as a man, is much easier than it is for a woman! This fact might come as a massive surprise to you – perhaps because you’re single and you haven’t yet found a girlfriend or wife.
Well in that case, chances are you’ve been making some very common dating mistakes that have been holding you back. Get these right and you’ll soon find that not only is there a huge variety of women for you to date, but that lots of them will want to date you too!
Here are a few of the mistakes we repeatedly see men making:
1.Failing to move on from a previous relationship
If you aren’t having much luck meeting and dating women, then it’s time to ask yourself some hard questions:
Are you harbouring any sort of regret that a previous relationship didn’t work out?
Are you stuck in the past, wistfully hoping your ex girlfriend will come back to you?
Do you imagine you’ll never meet anyone as ‘perfect’ as the girlfriend you had but who is now with someone else? If this is you in any shape or form, realise that it’s causing you significant damage. First it’s 99.9% certain that your ex girlfriend is not coming back to you and the sooner you take this on board the better.
Secondly, the emotional energy you’re spending, thinking about her and your past together is definitely affecting the way you’re interacting with others here and now, and therefore affecting your future happiness.
You may think that your thoughts are private, but if your main focus is on your past relationship and how much you miss it, any women you interact with will pick this up a mile off – and there is nothing so unattractive as a man who is thinking of another woman.
However difficult it is, you’ve got over your past – and do whatever it takes to do so. You can have short term pain, or long term pain by not getting over your past. But pain you will have – it’s just your choice as to how long you let it live with you.
2.Failing to make the right first impression
You only have one chance to make a first impression – and when you’re looking for a soul mate, getting this first impression right is absolutely critical. Whatever your first form of contact is – whether it’s her seeing your dating profile and pictures, or whether it’s an email, letter, phone call or face to face conversation, the way you come across that first time sets the scene for the rest of your interaction.
Many men are so desperate for women’s approval and attention that they’ll do anything to get noticed and accepted. Often they’ll give up their manliness and act in a weak tentative way. Women absolutely hate this as it makes them feel as if the man will do anything to get her attention, including giving up his manliness. Subconsciously she then thinks that if he’ll do this from the outset of their relationship, then he’ll probably do it thereafter, and no woman wants a weak man who can’t stand on his own two feet, proud of who he is.
This is particularly true of Christian men. Christian woman desperately want men they can look up to and admire. They want men who are strong, passionate in their beliefs and who command respect from others around them.
Putting your true self across right from the start – leaving aside your worries about what she might think – is the best way to attract a woman. Do it in the right way, and not only will you stand out from the crowd but you’ll find she’ll be the one coming back for more contact with you.
3.Being too keen
Despite what the papers say, women want to be in control and this includes being in control of their interactions with men in their lives.
The fastest way to put a woman off you is to appear too keen to be in touch. For a woman this smacks of desperation – and there is nothing so off-putting as a desperate man. Once a woman gets the impression you are a desperate man, she’ll run a mile – and there will be nothing you can do to change her mind.
Conversely there is nothing so attractive or compelling as a man one has to chase.
If you’ve made the right first impression with a woman, there’s a very high chance that she will make the next move. Why wouldn’t she? – particularly if she’s in the same arena as you – i.e. part of a dating group or organisation. As I said above, it’s much harder for women to find a soul mate than it is for men – and as a result they are generally more proactive than men.
So once you’ve caught her attention (and as the man it is your job to do this first and do it right), be patient and wait for her to come back to you.
Allowing her to do this is very important, because it allows her to feel as if she is in the driving seat. It allows her to feel in control. It makes her feel safe. All these things make her relax – and once she’s relaxed, she’ll open up to you – and you’ll find taking the relationship forward is a piece of cake.
4.Not treating her with total respect and courtesy
However much you read that woman want to be treated as equals, most women are affected very negatively by a man who does not treat them with respect and courtesy. This includes basic manners such as politeness in conversation right the way through to offering to pay for the first date.
You’d be amazed at the number of women who are affronted by the behaviour of men on a first date – things like turning up late so that they were waiting conspicuously on their own, answering their mobile phone (implying someone else is more important than them at that moment), trying to be over familiar on a first date or not offering to pay for the date.
All of these things – and more like them – are a massive turn-off to women. Women are unlikely to tell you that it’s these things that have turned them off you, but they may well be the true reason. Conversely, treat a women well – treat her with the old-fashioned respect that all men used to treat women with – and you are half-way there to a woman liking you and wanting to spend more time with you.
You may have to think very carefully about your behaviour as sometimes you won’t even realise you are doing these things (if that’s the way you’ve always behaved). But time taken to analyse this aspect of your dating will pay off handsomely.
5.Not giving her any good reasons to get back in touch with you
Like it or not, it’s a competitive world out there and the chances are, if you are attracted to a woman, then other people will be too. So why should she get back in touch with you, as opposed to the other men who’ve contacted her?
The most common reason a woman will get back in touch with you, is because you’ve shown an interest in her and have something to offer her. Whether it’s your strength and leadership as a man, or it’s your common love of an interest she enjoys doing, you have to give her a reason to get back in touch with you.
The key thing here is that in your first interaction with her, whether that’s face to face or not, you’ve engaged her in such a way that she has to engage you back. It might be as simple as showing that you share one of her interests and then asking her a question about it, or it might be that you raise a subject that you know she’ll be interested in and ask for her opinion. Either way, done in the right way she’ll find it very hard not to respond – and once she’s responded to you, you are half-way there to having an ongoing conversation with her.
Setting out your stall and just hoping she’ll be interested in you, is not enough. Do this and you’ll remain wondering what it is about you that isn’t attracting women. But truly and thoughtfully engage with the women you’re interested in, and you’ll soon find that you have many of them coming back to you.
So what can I do now?
If you’ve been making any of these mistakes, then you have definitely been missing out on a great future that awaits you. But it doesn’t have to be that way any longer.
The trouble is that most of us don’t reflect on our behaviour and as a result we rarely have any insight into where we might be going wrong – and if we do, we normally look at the wrong things and not at the things that will actually make a difference to our futures.
Furthermore, the chances are that you don’t talk in depth to any of your friends about how you are doing on the ‘dating’ front – and this compounds the problem of not knowing where you are going wrong – and how to make amends. Most friends will give trite advice like: “It’s just a matter of time” or “don’t worry, someone will just come along” which actually isn’t helpful or constructive at all.
And that’s where friendsfirst makes a difference. As a Christian introduction agency we spend time getting to know our members, and actively seeks feedback from our members about dates they’ve been on; we are in the unique position of being able to guide, support and help members make changes to their behaviour that leads to them getting the results they want.
We aren’t interested in giving trite advice that makes our members feel better but leaves them as single as they were when they joined us. No, we’re committed to helping our members find their soul mates. And it’s this that has made us so successful with all types of men – of all ages – over the past 13 years.
So if you want your dating future to be different from your past, then make sure you’re not making any of the mistakes above. If you’ve been trying to find a soul mate without any success then you should consider finding a ‘friend’ that can help you with this most important aspect of your life – a friend that will constructively stand by you – and ensure you’re doing the right things.